I feel like everyone is talking about ADHD.
There is certainly a spike at present, being ADHD awareness month, but also because lately I have been following many people online who are increasing public dialogue and sharing experiences.
I am definitely aware that I am kind of in a bubble of neurodiversity – actively seeking information and discussion. Occasionally I get a reminder that the world isn’t as open to discussing, learning, understanding, and across the same level of discourse, and as a result being fairly stuck in outdated information and stereotypes.
Living in a ‘neurodivergent’ household, there are many things I have read, learnt and (tried to!) apply over the last 5+ years. This isn’t a blog about all the details of what ADHD is, just some key areas I think can be overlooked, or lesser known, which I have found have had a huge impact in my own journey.
What is ADHD?
Just briefly, ADHD is a neurological condition that impacts many people, whether they are children or adults. Some are lucky to be diagnosed in childhood, while many are not assessed and confirmed until later in life. And many more people will never have the opportunity or awareness ever, for many reasons.
There are 3 types of ADHD: inattentive, hyperactive, or combined type.
To receive a formal diagnosis, a person must tick the box on 6 out of 9 symptoms across inattention and/ or hyperactivity – impulsivity in at least 2 settings over 6 months or more. Review this great content on the ADDitude site to dive deeper: What Is Attention Deficit Disorder? ADHD Symptoms To Look For (additudemag.com)
People think ADHD is the disruptive kid (and stereotypically boys) in a classroom who cannot sit still, and is filling the role of class clown, or rebel. They might have really negative behaviour, or just seem often wriggly and silly. But flash forward 20 years and who does this child develop in to?
This stereotype may exist for a reason, as many kids with ADHD can be similar, however there is so much more variation out there, like girls who are more ‘inattentive’ and exhibit different behaviours such as being a daydreamer or forgetful.
Some of the opinions or information is correct – children or adults with ADHD often fail to pay (or sustain) attention to detail and tasks, or have a lack of follow through on work, and perhaps can be really disorganised and forgetful.
Outside of the key ‘symptoms’ there are some crucial other details that have a great impact on someone with ADHD that don’t get as much exposure.
What isn’t as well known?
- Other symptoms outside of the stereotypes
Firstly, there are other symptoms that people don’t see, that aren’t as clear cut.
One key thing may be the way hyperactivity can play out in someone just talking excessively. Or blurting out an answer, talking over someone and just having trouble with with the back and forth of conversation or waiting their turn in other ways. And maybe even being viewed as ‘over-sharing’.
It’s that hyperactive behaviour, and impulsiveness, that can play out and not be as obvious that it may be coming from ADHD.
Some people can be seen as rude. They dominate conversation, but perhaps don’t mean to and cannot help it. At times the thought just desperately needs to come out because they’ll otherwise forget it, or feel like their brain will explode!
Another aspect is the movement. While a wriggly child may fit the ADHD stereotype, an adult less so. Sitting in an online meeting could be really painful for someone with ADHD – having to sit and listen, and work out the conversational dynamics (when to jump in and talk etc). Or even in a meeting room tapping, walking around, or their eyes flicking around seeming disinterested.
This is not to say that people who cut you off in conversations or are rude have ADHD, more to help give an idea of the traits that can play out and knowing more about the detail can help people understand themselves, which can also flow on to improved relationships at work, home or with friends.
Symptoms and behaviours aside, there’s also some major other aspects I feel really matter and need much more awareness – Executive Functioning, Emotional Regulation, RSD, and also comorbidity or aspects of anxiety, emotional and mood challenges. Some of these I’ll explore more below.
2. Executive Functioning
This is a term psychologists use to describe the many tasks our brains perform that are necessary for us to think, act, and solve problems.
Executive functioning includes tasks that help us learn new information, remember and retrieve the information we’ve learned in the past, and use this information to solve problems in the workplace or everyday life.
All humans use these functions every day in work and personal life. But someone with a disability, or neurodivergence, can at times have challenges in multiple areas. And there can be areas where we can experience disruption in our day which will then impact our Executive Functions greater than the average person.
Think of a really bad day, or a stressful situation. Sometimes you can feel in ‘fight or flight’. Sometimes you may not have emotions in control, or struggle to prioritise or focus, or even have trouble accessing memories. And in some situations you can be more rigid, or impulsive.
Some days you can thrive, when other days you struggle. And there are some people who struggle.
Every. Single. Day.
Thinking about our differences and how we function is important in understanding ourselves, and our impact on others, or their own challenges. Learning about Executive Function’s can help drive a dialogue with employers, family members and friends, or just knowing more about your own struggles and feelings.
Today I said to a friend “I have had a few nights of disrupted sleep because of the kids being unwell, and I can feel it flowing into my work today – how well I am initiating tasks and keeping on track”.
It’s really helpful to label the challenges and feelings.
To be honest, it has helped me shift from catastrophising things to just moving through them and responding differently to life.
3. Emotional Regulation/ Mood
One of the biggest things I have learnt raising a child with ADHD is the impact on emotion, mood and how it can spike up and down.
This I do believe this is closely linked to, and impacted by, RSD. Read more about that below.
The key thing with emotions is how they can change rapidly.
For a younger child, it may be flipping from happy to ‘water works’, or tears, faster than you would expect. My kid is a bubbly, positive, giggly thing, and doesn’t have major issues. However, I have learnt to use a lot of techniques such as redirection or various listening skills to try and guide her and support her through transition in mood. From this experience I can see how a grown up ADHD adult could have anger management issues, or perhaps just seem like a moody person who at times reacts a bit over the top or at times seem delicate and over-sensitive.
I think this area isn’t really common knowledge and can be eye-opening with diagnosis. Imagine understanding yourself more and the growth in self awareness with realising your mood shift or reaction isn’t always in your control and how to work with it.
4. RSD – Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
I personally think learning about RSD is a game-changer, for a person with ADHD, and also their colleagues, family, spouse etc.
Why? Because it explains so much.
The feelings, the reactions, and just a lot in life.
RSD can impact the reactions and responses a person makes, and can also cause a great deal of shame, and even trigger mood disorders and unfortunately increase risk of suicide.
It’s a huge thing to understand and can impact mood, relationships and a persons life.
Again, great article to explore it in more detail: How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (additudemag.com)
For anyone who has ADHD, RSD can play a huge factor in their life without even knowing it’s a problem. Awareness and understanding of self can really help someone just feel better in themselves. Hopefully.
Those are 4 crucial areas that have helped a great deal in my life – understanding myself, my partner and kids. These are things that took a while to discover and explore, yet have at times had a great impact.
Being distracted, feeling I cannot focus, or having trouble initiating a task – I can deal with all that. I feel it, it’s annoying, but I have through life built strategies even pre-diagnosis to get through work and life. But the long-term impact of the shame from RSD or challenges with relationships, those unknown areas are where there is more regret, post-diagnosis grief, and a harder path of growth and learning. Awareness, education and support can so greatly improve the life of many people – regardless of diagnosis.